dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
