When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My vagina just recognized that song.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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