dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
