Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
