Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
