Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
