My liver just broke up with me...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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