need another drink. this is the easiest way
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You smell like stripper and shame
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
