No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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