Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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