How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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