You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
