I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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