I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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