All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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