Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize