Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
