we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
