Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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