We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
