Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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