i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
