you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
