i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
