Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
false alarm, still single
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize