Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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