So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
