Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize