so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
