I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
