dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
