Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
