Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
