So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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