I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
