hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
