i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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