I could make wine with my vomit
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
