Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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