Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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