the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
