Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
