the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
