I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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