I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
