i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We don't watch enough power rangers
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
