Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
