Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
