so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
