Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
4 words: hood of his car
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
