Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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