bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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