I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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