lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
