This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
