Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Couch. On fire.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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