i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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