I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
