Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
kristin has been a bad kristin
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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