I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
