My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
