we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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