My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
