I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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