I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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