Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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