chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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