you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize